How Can I Help a Friend Who May Have a Problem?
If you鈥檙e concerned about a friend鈥檚 alcohol or drug use, but aren鈥檛 sure what to say, here are some tips on how to talk to them:
- Talk to your friend when they are sober. Conversations while your friend is intoxicated
are far less likely to make a positive impact, as they will not be thinking clearly.
If you鈥檙e concerned about your friend while they鈥檙e drinking or using, your priority
should be keeping them safe from harm. You can talk to them about their substance
use once they鈥檙e sober and more likely to hear your concerns.
- Be calm and kind as you convey your concern for your friend鈥檚 well-being. Avoid making
accusations, lecturing, or moralizing. It鈥檚 important not to make your friend feel
like they鈥檙e being judged! Comments like 鈥淵ou鈥檙e turning into a lazy pothead鈥� make
people feel bad about themselves and trigger defensiveness.
- Use 鈥淚 Statements鈥� to talk about how you feel and how you鈥檝e experienced your friend鈥檚
drinking or drug use. It鈥檚 best if you can use specific examples of their behavior鈥攖hings
you鈥檝e seen and heard. As an example: 鈥淚鈥檓 noticing more often that, when we go to
parties, you drink until you get sick and somebody has to make sure you get home safely.
And last week you didn鈥檛 make it to class the next morning, even though you knew we
had a quiz. I鈥檓 really worried about how your drinking is starting to affect your
life.鈥�
- It鈥檚 important to distinguish between the person and their behavior, and it can be
helpful to emphasize what you like about them when they鈥檙e sober. For instance, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e
a fun person to hang with, but when you drink, you start doing some risky stuff, like
driving when you鈥檝e had too much, and I worry that you鈥檙e going to hurt yourself or
someone else.鈥�
- Encourage your friend to consult with a professional. You鈥檝e done a great job getting
this conversation started, and the next step is to help your friend get a professional
assessment of their substance use. It helps if you already know of some resources
that you can share with them.
If your friend is a USA student, they can call the University Counseling & Testing Center at 251-460-7051 for a free and confidential substance use assessment with the Jag Intervention & Recovery program. You can support them through the process of making an appointment, but your friend must make the appointment for themselves.
You can also find a list of available off-campus substance use resources on the Jag I&R webpage.
- Don鈥檛 give up. Your friend may not be ready to hear you yet. If they鈥檙e resistant to talking, let them know that you鈥檙e there for them when they鈥檙e ready to talk about it. And you can always bring it up again later, if your concerns persist.